Bridal Shower | Personal

 

I am beyond thankful and blessed to have the ladies in my life that I do. This past Saturday, Megan, Tammy and my Mom gave me a bridal shower at Tammy's home. Let me just tell you, I am so grateful to that woman and for opening up her home, she is like a second mother to me! And - I am just so excited that Megan flew in for the occasion and put so much work into! I love her - and everyone else that was there!! 

Look at this beautiful cake Tammy had made to match the invitation!

The fabulous Holly Likes hooked me up with some YUMMY carrot cake mini cupcakes!

The welcoming committee 

 

Doug and Zatha Say I Do | Personal

 

2012 is a good year for the Franks' family! Nick and I get married in August, Thad and Eliz's third child is due in November, and Aunt Zatha just married Dougy Doug! It was a great day! Friends and family gathered at Amy's house in Williamsburg where Doug and Zatha said their "I Do's". Zatha had asked if I would capture some pictures of the day, so of course I said yes! We're all excited for Zatha. This is a woman who has dealt with quite a few health blows in the past and recently, and since Doug has came into her life, she has been a new woman. One full of love and life and they have just been having the time of their lives! (The only downside, Doug has now converted her into a Yankees fan - BOO!)

Here are some pictures from their big day!

 

Emily's Bridal Shower | Personal

The other weekend we all gathered at Diann's home to shower Emily and baby Emma. Little Miss Emma will be the 5th kid in the Uhler family, but the FIRST girl! It's pretty exciting! Her shower was hosted by Diann and Nicolette, and was filled with fun, fellowships and of course, food, good food! I'm so excited for Emily and praying the rest of her pregnancy goes well and that Emma arrives safe and sound! 

Richmond Science Museum | Personal

For a Christmas gift, Nick and I took his two nephews Ethan and Ashton to the Richmond Science Museum this past weekend . . . thankfully we survived! We survived the "I have to go to the bathroom" five minutes after getting on the road, the "are we there yet?" ten minutes after getting on the road and the giant Plaza bill Ashton racked up! That kid can chow down . . . not sure where it goes! But I think they enjoyed the museum and by the time we finished settling in for the space show, they were knocked out! Successful day for all!

Mount Vernon | Personal

Since I've been a little down lately, Nick decided to surprise me with a trip to Mount Vernon for my birthday! One thing we enjoy doing together is traveling and visiting new places, especially historical spots. Last year we visited Monticello, so he decided this year we should check out another President's home. We also got to see my Aunt Patty and Uncle Gordon afterwards, so that was great!! Here are a few pictures . . . 

Christmas Season Round Up | Personal

Catching up on life and trying to stay positive. So how about a recap of the holiday season in pictures . . .

Grand Illumination in Colonial Williamsburg with Some Good Friends

The Annual Franks' Family Christmas Party (At Amy's This Year)

Chris and Melissa Got Married

Small Group Christmas PJ Party

Quality Time With My Sister, Nieces and Nephew

Christmas Town

Christmas Morning

THE END!

Grieving | Personal

Apparently I'm not grieving properly . . . not too certain what that is suppose to mean. 

I don't know how to take that. So I'm not out wrecking my life by drinking too much or doing too many drugs, or I'm not shutting the world off and letting no one in, I'm simply not allowing myself to fall to pieces and pretend that my life is over too. My Dad wouldn't want me to. 

The fact that the statement was made by people close to me and persons I respect, irritates the hell out of me. Not everyone has a mental breakdown when a parent or loved one dies. That doesn't mean that I didn't love my Dad, or love my Dad. It simply means I'm not letting this interfere with the life that he was proud of. 

I'm not a highly emotional person. I like to keep things to myself and handle them within or with poor, sick humor. Last Sunday, the day after, I lost it in church. That was the first moment I really was able to grasp what happened. They don't give you time to grieve when you are responsible for everything. And I'm not too sure I want to sit and think about it to be honest. It scares me knowing that I am never going to see my Dad again, have a conversation with him, share overly sarcastic jokes and comments or watch a baseball game with him. I thought I made peace with it all last week by finally telling myself HE IS DYING. I think it helped, but it didn't help. I know he was in so much pain and I have to remind myself that he isn't anymore and that is important. 

My prayer this whole time has been for God to just help him, not heal him, not rid him of his pain. Healing him would only mean that the cancer could eventually come back and ridding him of his pain could mean that it's only temporary. I've been through the nasty cancer thing before, the second time around you have to make peace and accept the truth. But now there is no pain, only in my heart, but he's in a better place and with my Grandpa, his best friend! 

So . . . I don't really have a nice response to the ones who said I'm not grieving properly. Because I am grieving. I'm just not letting grief define me. I have my moments. Everyday when I go to call him or email him, when I start thinking of when I'm going to head up to D.C. to see him, when I have a question that I know he can answer. I'll never hear him call me "bug" anymore and hear him tell me "no really, I found you under a rock, your my bug!". I'll never have him there for a lifetime of firsts and big moments that haven't occurred yet. 

But it is a day by day process, I'm holding tight to what I believe in and just reminding myself that there is good in this and a reason and he is now in a healthy and healed body and out of pain. 

I Don't Feel Better | Personal

I said it today, I said the words "my dad is dying". I thought in admitting that to myself that I would feel better, I feel worse. I don't even know what I feel. I know that things happen for a reason and God has a plan. In fact this morning while reading one of the verses in my plan was Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 A Time for Everything:

1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Perfect timing, right? . . . Although that gave me some peace, I still just feel completely lost inside. Maybe for selfish reasons, maybe because I don't know what will happen to my Dad's soul, maybe just maybe I should relax some.

For my personal reasons I'm not ready to let go of my Dad. No one ever is. Although I had him around when I was little, he did miss a significant amount of my life and he wasn't around nearly as much as either of us would have liked. We are now having the relationship we should have always had, and now I have to face the fear of losing him. I also sit back and think of the things I will never have that others take for granted. I may never have that father daughter dance at my wedding or have my father walk me down the isle (unless Nick steps up REAL soon). To me that is important, that is something I have always wanted and have always envisioned. And I have watched people close to me take that for granted. My sister being one, at the time of her wedding her and my Dad weren't that close. My step sister really took it for granted and her Dad has always been there for her. I also realize that when I have kids they may never know him and he is a man that they should know. He is full of knowledge, humor, joy and he has so many stories to tell. And he has three grandchildren that he rarely sees and it kills me that I want kids so he can be able to spend time with them. I fear I will never know more that what I know of him now and he has so much to offer as a father and as a person. 

Then there is that scary thought of where does he stand in his faith. My Dad does not live a perfect life, far from it probably. But I pray that he has faith and he looks to the Lord for answers and knows the truth. He tried to bring me up in that way so I just like to think that is how he feels no matter what doubts he may have.

Then I sit back and wonder if I worry too much. But I have seen a decline in him over the past two years. And it just continues to get worst and the only thing that the doctors seem to be able to do is give him chemo. He's too weak for surgeries.

I want him to be okay, I want him to be healthy again. That's not logical. But what I do want is for him to not suffer and to be happy. I want to be able to spend more time with him and to have him around longer. 

I guess I just needed to vent. It doesn't help, but at least I'm not bottling it up.